Tights Aren’t Pants
Mariska... Uncut* As a fitness professional, I feel it is my responsibility to add my voice to important causes related to the industry: childhood obesity, adult-onset diabetes, fashion tragedies... There is a serious problem in our society – ladies (and gents) wearing tights as pants. The manifesto of the organization Tights Are Not Pants clearly outlines the issue: An excerpt: "In the context of sports, ballet, hair metal, and Renaissance fairs, tights function as suitable leg coverings, but still - they are not pants. These are not activities that transform tights into pants; these are historically acceptable acts of pantlessness." For reference, my husband snapped this photo from last year's Renaissance Festival. Even if tights as pants "work" there, does that look good to you? Me neither. I've been teaching for nearly ten years, and in that time, I have seen a lot of things. A LOT of things. More than I would care to see. There was a class I taught once with a shirtless guy wearing flesh-toned short shorts whose man parts were visible, for instance... Last year, a friend emailed me this very important flowchart. It was originally posted on Buzzfeed and designed by Amy Sly. I thank them both. Check it out. Print it out. Send it to friends. Facebook even has a page dedicated to the cause of pantlessness. Actually, do a search - there's more than one! The basics as I see it: 1. If your pants are skin tight and don't have pockets, they are possibly tights. Please don't be confused by anything bedazzled. Tights are easily bedazzled. 2. If they are see-through, they are definitely tights. They don't need to have feet attached to them to be tights. Note, that footless tights are sold in many retail outlets. 3. If they are, in fact, tights, you can wear them out, but your shirt or sweater should hit below the butt. (Stay tuned for a future blog post - "T-shirts aren't dresses") 4. Pajamajeans, as seen on TV (and spotted in my local CVS), aren't pants. Nor are they jeans. Or pajamas. 5. We'll still love if you accidentally wear tights as pants. I admit to being an occasional offender. Other teachers have done it as well. After all, fitness facilities are one of the few places where tights are (borderline) acceptable. As long as they aren't see-through, of course. Stay hard core (and appropriately covered), Mariska * Caution: Do not read Mariska...Uncut if you are prone to fainting spells, being offended, or taking yourself too seriously.