25 Things You Didn’t Know About Abe Ahern

Fuse Pilates Best DC Abe is known for teaching super challenging mat and ladder sessions that are powered by fun, funky playlists and plenty of push-ups, but there's so much more to this modern day Renaissance man! Read on to learn some fascinating facts about Abe and find out how you could snag an invite to his next Donut Day party in DC. 1.  I cook full dinners at home at least five nights per week. When I cook, I play Pilates playlists, and chop veggies to the beat. 2.  I picked my first tattoo the morning I got it. Whim is my favorite thing. Fuse Ladder Best Pilates DC 3.  I am not like Mariska. I don't just sleep without socks: I keep my feet stuck out from under the blanket year round. 4.  I once spent my entire funemployment making a concrete dining room table for myself. It's way too heavy. Do not make a concrete table if you don't have an elevator. 5.  I have a dog named Pig. He snorts, and is best friends with a dog named Crow. Abe Ahern Pig 6.  My favorite thing to eat right now is Sichuan peppercorns. I have a one pound bag of them, and put them in everything. I put them in chocolate chip cookies once. 7.  I love making playlists, and pour my heart into them. For every 55 minutes of playlist you work out to, I've tweaked and waffled and reorganized for at least two hours.

Follow Abe on Spotify

8.  My Holy Trinity is David Bowie, Freddy Mercury, and Prince. If you couldn't guess, I had a rough year.
Fuse Pilates David Bowie

I also have a four foot tall portrait of Prince in my living room.

9.  I've been to Guantanamo Bay thirty-three times, while working on legal teams representing detainees. I may have snorkled over the line into Cuban waters once or twice, shhh... 10. I dropped out of college twice before returning to finish my degree. These were three of the best decisions I could ever have made. You gotta till the soil as often as you can. 11.  I played cello for over 20 years, and own a beautiful cello that's as old as George Washington. Abe Ahern Cello 12. I cried on my first day of bootcamp. On your first day of bootcamp, I promise I won't make you cry. Just kidding, I promise nothing.
Fuse Pilates Abe Ahern

This actually happened.

13. Hip Circle is my favorite love-hate exercise in Pilates. There's nothing harder than the spine-lengthening work in this exercise, so much more challenging with the massive transverse abdominal engagement required to make room for the hip flexors to really shine, and is as much a balance workout as a killer of all the abs (and the upper back, and the shoulders, and the hips--oh my!). Get those legs up!
Fuse Pilates Mat Hip Circles

That's what agony looks like.

14. Growing up I was homeschooled and spent most of my time reading history books and throwing dirt clods at my cousins, but my secret ambition was to learn to design and make women's fashion. I learned how to sew, but never learned to draw. 🙁 Young Abe Ahern 15.  I frequently paint my nails. I started because I had a hand injury that blackened my nails, but now I do it just because it's really pretty. I love nail art, and do lots of my own designs. I wore nails while working for the FBI, which caused some amount of culture clash.
Abe Ahern Nail Polish

I wonder who has more nail polish, me or Meredith?

16. I work part-time as an Uber driver. This satisfies me greatly, because I am a notorious eavesdropper. I once had a couple get engaged in my Uber. That was better than the time someone tried to sell drugs from my Uber... 17. Every summer I make gallons of homemade limoncello and tell my friends I'm going to share it. I drink it all myself. 18. My favorite place in the world is the grocery store. I've moved apartments based on how well I get along with the staffers at checkout at the closest shop. I grocery shop even when I don't need to. 19. Every year, I host a doughnut party and make around 500-1,000 doughnuts. Next person to knock out 40 wide-arm pushups without a break gets a VIP invite!
Abe Ahern Pilates DC Donut Party

My happy place.

20. When I started taking Pilates, it took me nine months of classes to do a decent roll-up.

VIDEO: How to Do a Pilates Roll-Up

21. Once I tried to make an iconic modernist gingerbread structure with a new girlfriend who was an architect. That was a disaster. #neveragain 22. My favorite travel destination would be a dead heat between the American southwest and the Balkans. 23. The best dessert is frozen dark chocolate chips. 24. When I first moved to DC, I got hit by cars while biking four times in one year.  So I figured I should think about safety first, and bought a motorcycle. Abe Ahern Motorcyle 25. I own 9" platform boots. They are glittery silver. Of course. Abe Ahern Glittery Silver Boots Want to take one of Abe's classes? Register for a session online!


Teacher Feature: Abe Ahern  

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All Comments (2)

  1. Mar says:

    This is…by far…the most interesting “listicle” I’ve ever read. Thank you.

  2. Tracy Taylor says:

    Don’t make me cry.

    This is why I miss FUSE! The most amazing, kind hearted, hilarious, eclectic group of bad ass instructors on the planet!!!

    I miss my FUSE+ABE time. FABE. That is what i’m now calling it.